Life Skills: Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is one of the most valuable skills there are. It’s our ability to recognize our thoughts and behaviours, how we communicate with ourselves and the world around us.
Why do I think it’s so valuable? Well, because without self-awareness, we’d go about living our lives totally oblivious to how our thoughts and behaviours affect us and others. Our ability to relate would be severely impaired. Our relationships would remain superficial and devoid of true human connection.
So how can we cultivate more of this self-awareness in our everyday lives?
It all comes down to paying attention; listening, observing, and asking questions. How did a certain interaction play out? What happened? Was it something I said? Or maybe it was how I said it. How do I feel about it?
Taking the time to reflect, whether it be through writing, while taking a walk, or sitting quietly on a park bench, is how we develop our self-awareness. The mere act of investing time to communicate with ourselves and engaging in self-reflection is the key.
Many of us might say that we don’t have the time, that there are priorities more important and pressing than sitting to contemplate. But I can guarantee that it is a worthwhile investment of your time and energy, for what we gain in self-awareness, we gain in a deeper understanding of ourselves and naturally, a greater capacity to understand others.
Self-awareness in real time looks like us, the observer, being able to notice our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Without it, our words and actions escape from us as if on auto-pilot, mirroring our ingrained beliefs and worldview, which is ok, except if we paid more attention, we’d realize that we often hold beliefs that are inaccurate or even harmful to ourselves and/or others.
Self-awareness allows us to better guide how we say and do things, influencing a more pleasant and genuine interaction.
Here are a few pointers on how to start developing this valuable skill:
- Intentionally set aside the time for self-reflection in your day or week. Think about what situations brought about strong emotions and perhaps why you acted or reacted the way you did; what beliefs or values of yours were challenged? What would you have changed?
- As self-reflection becomes a more regular habit, bring these newfound observation skills to your interactions in real time. Notice what thoughts, emotions, and behaviours come up in a particular situation as they unfold in front of you. At this point in time, you may not be able to change anything about it, but simply notice;
- As your skill for observation becomes stronger, use awareness to be more deliberate in your choice of words and actions (sometimes this may even be saying or doing nothing). Think about what you’d like to communicate and how you can best go about expressing this;
- Rinse and repeat!
The more we can engage in the self-reflection process, the better we get to know ourselves and the better we are then able to express ourselves.
Eventually, our awareness of self can be extended to that of others. Our ability to observe how others respond in a given interaction gives us a chance to open up to their unique experience as individuals with their own stories, beliefs, and worldview. So get curious about how and why another person responds the way they do the next time you’re in a particular situation. Try your best not to judge, only observe.
Then, depending on your relationship and the level of trust there is between you and the other person, you may even get to a place where you can discuss what is happening in real time. What are each of you thinking and feeling, and why? With this exchange of information, you are given the tools to shape a more pleasant, constructive interaction — how fulfilling for a social species such as ourselves!
There is so much to learn and love about what it means to be human. When we are able to constructively work towards a deeper and more open style of communication, which begins with a deeper understanding of ourselves, this enriches our lives and strengthens our ability to connect.
Self-awareness. It’s good for me, it’s good for you, it’s good for all of us and our relationships.
