4 Steps in Rewiring our Negative Thoughts (and Behaviour)
Let’s take a look at the Johari window:
When it comes to our thinking, I’d say the majority of it falls in the Open and Hidden Self categories. The information we (think we) know about ourselves, whether shared publicly or not, is ultimately what drives our behaviour, does it not?
For the purpose of this article, I’d like to focus on the negative patterns of thinking that hold us back from our true potential: I can’t do this, I’m not good enough, I don’t have enough time/money/friends/things, but what if….
Going back to the table above, aspects of our Blind Self are triggered by being so immersed in certain thoughts that we don’t even realize how this manifests outwardly, affecting the people around us in ways we have no idea.
Limiting thoughts like those mentioned tend to accumulate like drops of water from a leaky faucet. Imagine a sink with the drain stopper in – if we’re unable to truly let these kinds of thoughts go, they’d take over until they caused the sink to overflow. A life overflowing with negativity?? I’ve been there and nope, it’s not what I wanted.
Luckily, I arrived home in time to catch the leak before it caused irreparable damage. It was an endless cycle of cleaning up the mess until one day, I became so exhausted and frustrated from the effort. It was then I finally understood that the stopper had to be released and the leaky faucet tended to (some might say DUH! this is obvious to begin with, but if we look around, it becomes apparent that this isn’t so much the case).
Here are 4 steps to tend to the leaky faucet that are our negative thoughts:
- Awareness that something in our life just doesn’t feel right. A thorn in our side, which could manifest as literal physical discomfort, a regular feeling of exhaustion, or frustration, or sadness. Maybe, like the thorn, we also just feel stuck.
- With this awareness, noticing the feeling or thought every time it comes up. At the beginning, this will only become apparent once it has manifested outwardly. We’ll continue to kick and scream until we get so sharp at catching it that we can pull the stopper and release it before it translates into a repeated behaviour.
- As we become more astute in this process, now imagine how we’d wish our ideal situation to be. Simply tell ourselves, this is enough. Once we’ve made this decision, our world opens up to other possibilities. Envision those possibilities. It’s here that aspects of the Unknown Self may begin to emerge.
- And lastly, be gentle with ourselves. Surround ourselves with people who are there to support us. Altering thought patterns (and behaviours) is a slow and gradual process that simply does not happen overnight, especially if these are patterns that originate from adolescence, childhood, or even before that. If we have people in our lives who are close enough to be able to share with us aspects of our Blind Self, be open to listen.
Originally, I was going to entitle the list “4 simple steps to tending to our negative thoughts”, but in the end, I’ll admit that the work itself is not so simple. It takes conscious effort and full on grit to successfully reframe and rewire our thinking. You’ll notice how easy it can be to fall into the same patterns over and over again even after having done some work, but don’t give up! Just like anything, the more we practice, the better we get at it.
And, if I can come full circle with the Johari Window, I’d say that ideally, our goal is to move aspects from our “Unknown to Self” quadrants over to the “Known to Self” quadrants. The more open we can be to the possibilities, whether or not we choose to share that with others, the more power we have in shaping the life that we want for ourselves.
