Self-Disclosure
According to Collins Dictionary, disclosure is defined as “the act of giving people new or secret information”. Merriam-Webster describes it as a “revelation” of information. When it comes to our basic everyday communication with each other, to what extent do we disclose parts of ourselves, our lives, our inner workings?
How much is too much? How little is too little?
I’m sure we’ve all come across all kinds of people — those who reveal too much information too soon, those who are really hard to crack, and those who seem to have found a good balance of sharing themselves with us in just the right doses. What consists of a good balance and what guidelines can we use to maintain healthy levels of self-disclosure?
Depending on our relationship with the other person, this can greatly influence the level to which we may disclose personal information. The more frequently we may interact with someone over time, the more likely there are opportunities to share and get to know each other (classmates, colleagues, neighbours, family members, friends of friends…).
What determines the degree to which we disclose information about ourselves depends on the level of trust in the relationship. When we reveal personal information, this puts us in a position of vulnerability. We don’t know how the other person will react to what is being shared and we also put this information in the other person’s hands.
Of course, there’s a difference between sharing more trivial information like your favourite colour or food, compared to disclosing information that provides a much deeper look into your inner workings, like your family history or personal views on religion.
The higher level of trust there is in a relationship, the more likely we are to self-disclose. So what builds trust in a relationship? Personally, I’d say that it’s based on how safe we feel. Does the other person treat the information I share with respect? Do they truly listen and attempt to understand where I’m coming from, or do they judge or dismiss? Does the information I share remain between us, or is the person careless with what I have shared with them, likely to divulge to a larger public?
Over time, we are likely to understand with whom we can share aspects of our lives and with whom we have to be more careful in order to avoid feeling exposed or betrayed. In addition to the level of trust we have in a given relationship, self-disclosure is also based on reciprocity. When an individual takes it upon themselves to entrust the other with a certain degree of personal information, we also expect that the other person will feel safe enough to eventually reveal pieces of their personal lives on a similar level.
Some people will also just find that self-disclosure comes naturally because they are generally more secure and confident, while others who experience feelings of insecurity will find it more challenging. I believe our cultural and family upbringing also plays a role in how easily disclosure of personal information occurs.
In my experience growing up, not much conversation took place around the dinner table, if at all. I was rarely asked what I felt or thought, or what my preferences were. Talking about myself just wasn’t part of my reality, which I can certainly recognize has had its effect on how I tend to go about self-disclosure in my everyday relationships as an adult.
What are your experiences of self-disclosure like? Is this something that comes to your more naturally, or perhaps not at all? Can you identify in your relationships the different people with whom self-disclosure tends to flow more easily, and with whom you might have to be more reserved??
