Stop, Drop, & Roll

++This post is from the first edition of my blog entitled You Are Here++

At the end of November, it will be 5 full months since I’ve been employed.  It’s been a beautiful, yet turbulent time, as my ego constantly puts me to the test.  Here’s a little story about how I managed to put the latest fire out in my currently unemployed life.   

As of the end of June, I had spent the last year and a half working and being back at school.  It was a tough decision to make leaving my last job and taking the leap into uncertainty.  After some convincing from my partner, I decided that I deserved a summer break and took the months of July and August off.  When you don’t really have a secure job to go back to, however (in my case, out of choice), diving into vacation mode isn’t as easy as one might think.  My immediate reflex was to begin stressing over the stigma associated with this label – unemployed.  Doing my best to quiet my mind, I soon got used to the freedom I had to fully enjoy life in Montreal.  Eventually, I no longer told people I was unemployed, but rather that I was taking advantage of my period of transition to relax and figure out my next move.

As September rolled around, it didn’t take long for the tide of worry to come cascading back in.  I hadn’t been very pro-active during my break and I had no prospects lined up.  With my final semester back at university starting and my fieldwork practice to take care of, I busied myself with trying to find a place that would accept my social program proposal and let me run it.  To be honest, I was quite occupied, although probably not as productive as the government of Quebec would have liked.

Two and a half months later, I’m halfway through my fieldwork practice, attending class once a week, and still – I’ll say it again – unemployed.  Working only a few sparse hours helping one of my professors grade papers, I’ve witnessed my bank account slowly dwindle month after month, week after week.  During this time, I’ve had to call and visit the bank to contest petty fees, transfer funds from my TFSA to my chequing account, as well as consider downgrading my credit card and bank account plans.  All this, while the rest of the world around me goes about their daily routine, earning a steady income, eating out in nice restaurants, enjoying a lovely night cap, spending money on early holiday sales, and living the cushy lives they’ve built for themselves… (WRONG!)

When self-deprecating thoughts such as these start to eat away at my inner-tranquility, I’ve discovered that the STOP, DROP, and ROLL technique is a good one to use:

1. STOP what I’m doing to contemplate my ridiculousness;
2. DROP these erroneous, self-loathing ideas; and
3. ROLL onward with a clearer and more grounded perspective.

It’s so incredibly basic and it’s something of which we are constantly reminded — Do I not have a roof over my head, with more than just four walls, heating, and wi-fi, all of which I can still afford?  Do I not have a pantry and fridge full of consumables, potable water flowing through my taps, and plenty of clothes to keep me warm??  The answer to all of those questions is YES.

I look around me as I go about my day, and see the homeless people in and around metro stations.  Still yet,  I have the audacity to tell them that I have no change; that I’m unemployed and can’t spare a dollar.  Then, from the comfort of my home, I read about stories of migrant children being sold into organized crime, or of forest fires claiming families’ every possession… 

So I have been off the job market for almost 5 whole months, but you know what?  It’s time I snap out of these feelings of self-pity, fear, and shame.  As long as I am able to continue working on creating a better life for myself (because yes, I do have that privilege), I have absolutely no reason to complain — dwindling bank account, first world social pressures, social stigma, and all.