Taking Responsibility for our Communication Skills
I’ll just say it — I am absolutely in love with the art of communication! As human beings, it is impossible for us not to engage in communication with ourselves and others. We each have unique stories, backgrounds, histories, cultures, strengths, weaknesses that influence how we communicate and these differences can be so subtle that they can easily lead to misunderstandings.
If I could pursue a PhD in any subject area, it would be about human interaction. Intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships. Wouldn’t life go so much more smoothly if we had the motivation and skills to understand ourselves, understand others, and communicate in such a way that all parties involved could acknowledge and meet each other’s needs, while not compromising their own?
A few months ago, a friend of mine lent me a book by Marshall J. Rosenberg entitled, “Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life”. I adore this book and this approach to life. Dr. Rosenberg shares the idea that when our communication results in hurt or harm, which it often can, whether we intend to or not, it is indeed a form of violence.
We’re often told that words are just words, that actions are what really matter, but in all honesty, this is not accurate, at least not in my own experience. What we say/don’t say is equally as powerful as what we do/don’t do. Words are one of the most accessible ways through which we communicate, so how can we say that words don’t matter?
I’m often irked in situations where people shrug off their verbal expression, which carries significant weight and sometimes harm as “not intentional, so get over it” — communication is 2-way. If the message being relayed has been received as hurtful, then it is both parties’ responsibility to acknowledge the emotions that have been brought to the surface and to work towards a more constructive, positive interaction.
Just because someone may seem easily affected by the words we say, this doesn’t absolve anyone from making the effort to better understand the person and the situation at hand. That said, the individual who finds themselves easily affected by others also has the responsibility to better understand why this is so.
Communication isn’t passive. Like anything in life, our communication skills, if they are to promote well-being and healthy relationships, should be a constant work in progress.
According to the Nonviolent Communication approach, difficult interactions result when at least one party’s needs are not being met. The tricky part is first of all being aware of these needs and then learning how to express them adequately; all of that on top of being able to listen for the needs of the other party.
By developing our communication skills, we promote empathy, compassion, and connection. Everyone benefits! So let’s do our part, be more intentional, and take responsibility for not just our actions but our words as well.
